C-Heads Print
Finding home in my own Vessel

FINDING HOME IN MY OWN VESSEL

“I came to Bulgaria for the first time last June for an artist residency, and ended up
staying in Sofia for two months. Lyubomir and I made those photos two days before I
left to come back home to France. It was the first time I ever accepted to be
photographed by a stranger. The first time I ever let someone see through the chaos
of my room, reflecting the chaos of my mind. The first time I understood the
importance of feeling at home, in your surrounding environment, but beforehand,
within your bones.

I have lived in various rooms across the world
from a narrow corridor
to a white cube of light

A life
made out of
packing
unpacking
falling in love
and packing again

Making a space my own
by collecting, amassing, stacking
appeared to me as the only way to feel at home
somewhere
somehow

I live in the surrounding chaos of my mind
objects crawl on the floor
photos pile up in corners
and bribes of words and leaflets found
are stacked on my desk

Colours melt
from my soul to the walls
and bright ideas pop up
in the middle of the night
***

I am not home in my own vessel
I am home in the surrounding confusion that I create
places after places

Trapped in my own momentum
a few months in,
half a year to the most
according to my unstoppable wandering
I would leave

But this time
it was different

I did not want to leave

Abandoning Sofia was like
crushing down the carapace
I had built to protect myself with

It was like understanding
What it feels like
To be the gooey snail
That has lost its shell

The emptiness of the room
I had once called “home”
And had wished to call home for longer
Made me understood that

Instead of looking around
I have to start looking inward

To find home in my own flesh
to make this pile of bones
A place of care and gentleness

To hold within
What I thought laid around

Because my body
Is what remains
And I need to find home
In my own vessel

Photography:
Lyubomir Ignatov
www.instagram.com/blahbamm
www.blahbamm.com
Text and Model:
Emma RSSX
emmarssx.fr
www.instagram.com/rssx

 

Photography:
Lyubomir Ignatov
www.instagram.com/blahbamm
www.blahbamm.com
Text and Model:
Emma RSSX
emmarssx.fr
https://www.instagram.com/rssx/