AM I A LOVER NOW

Everything passes you kill time like you kill mosquitoes/
You lick your button red lips, when you’re young the whole
world is turned on/ There’s a sweat of silver, impossible
goldenness/It was the way I came to you I laughed too soon/
A cry was coming through, plastic needle flowers burn your
skin/ Who was I in this world made of fears that constantly
open up like deranged love/ I cover myself in your scent,I
want to die inside your arms; besides your flesh I try to
push inside/ And you won’t let me in as all my tears stream
like blue in rainbows till my vision blurs so badly I cannot
see anything, I believe I am drowning/ Then you put your arms
around my throat, I choke; fruit origami till too tightly I am
worn out wet velvet with your anger that seeps into delicately/

The vivid dreams that collect us I had a nightmare again,
serpentine kisses/ Your eyes still have that bigness in them
when mine no longer do/ Why were you fighting me? You knew
everything you pretended not to have known/ Maybe all you can
do is play me like music the notes of its sadness when you try
to bury the pain with some beautiful melancholy/ Am I what is
love? Dressed in white, shattered bone, three blue bruises and
perfume doused in sex and what it is meant to be loved by the
outlines of structure in body/ As I hear the echoes flutter
your lips whisper “Do you want others?’’I keep walking in hell,
my fears little, my solitudes larger than I, to resume with all
my failure crushed in blood and tar/ A high on a blade that will
cement me into the darkest sea, my death so terrible to the extreme

I eat our secrets I am a sedative even I cannot find a way out of/
And now you sing for me/ You never kiss with love again/ To drench
in stars and scar again/ I lay on my back the sky deeper opulent/
With all my future laying with me in a shape of a boy singing a
dream only I hear/ I counted the world in your saturnine eyes, I
wanted to be a mother yet now it seems like I am only a stranger once
again/ The world too large to know where I am to go, I have no care
where I belong/ A field of moving color; I am haze, I blur till no
longer here/ I miss you’s are a collection of I do’s we confused with
blues/ Tattered in the howling wind, gentlest sky becomes dark as I
trip now I am nameless/ I know there’s no darkness that is dark enough
to hide our trails and my snow-born violence I now bathe in, it sounds
like metal-suicide/ Misanthropic ouroboros aligned I am never whole
till I have bled

Written by Vanessa Matic
Photo Austin Roque
Clothes Unveil

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