The little girl continues wondering

Luckily, there are people
who think you are perfect
when you aren’t.

 

Eight o’clock. The alarm rings. I don’t want to get up. But I have to. I drag myself into the bathroom and stare at that sleepy alien person in there. Too early for looking in the mirror. I bounce under the shower. Mood is getting better. What does this day bring to me? Many appointments. Countless meetings. Stressful ones and good ones. Some will be exhausting. And some I will hate.

As soon as I enter the big glass door of the office, I slip automatically into a distant, humorous, factual, solution-oriented, very self-confident version of myself. This works very well. Nothing can be done to me. Cool, seemingly invulnerable and I can do it all. Every task, no matter how difficult the subject, I fulfill to full satisfaction. Appreciaton from around. My friends give me virtual Likes for my work on Social Media. Even people I dont know write comments sounding like: You are great, go ahead. My familiy seems to be proud.

Later in the evening, after a stressfull day, I find myself sitting on my best friend’s couch looking quite different from the successful journalist, who has moderated a high-caliber podium a few hours ago.

Here I am: Somehow still the little girl, who is amazed at how fast everything went. The little girl who is amazed that suddenly nearly everyone except her close family and her best friend thinks she knows the answers to all questions. She would be the tough woman, everything is running smoothly. She would never be sad, she would be so strong that nothing could harm her. Almost anything could be expected of her, she would somehow stand above the things. She would always know how to behave. The little girl continues wondering. The little girl is tired.

I get up from the couch and look at myself in the mirror. On my sweater are, as always after I have eaten something, crumbs and stains. In one of my socks, which by the way do not match, is – again – a hole. My best friend stands behind me and laughs aloud with tears in her eyes. Luckily, there are people who think you are perfect when you aren’t. That sounds very expectable and like a platitude. But it is so true.

Words by Austrian Journalist Yvonne Widler / instagram @yvonne.widler
Photographer: Vienna Based Helena Wimmer / instagram @_helenawimmer
Location: Magdas Hotel, Vienna

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