“To be an artist is to be broken. To create art is to be open.”The stories of the people behind the art #4

“An artist´s life.”
The stories of the people behind the art
#4 Yves Esapa

August 2, 2018

Today for some reason I feel that I should think about my artistic journey. I try my best not to focus on the growth and mainly focus on developing, because the world is ever changing and so is art. I started my artistic career as an actor. I did live theater in high school and college. I took the time here and there to learn new crafts like carpentry, set design, directing etc. and when I got deeper into my AA degree I had to make a choice of my major for my Bachelors. At this time I decided to get on the path of digital art (photography & graphic design). This was a whole new world to me and it took me two years to get the hang of this medium of art. But the focus of this journal entry is not about my growth as an artist, it’s more about what it took for me to become this artist. Not a lot of people get to live there life’s and devote all their time to their art and I happen to be one of them. In 2017, I had to ask for more from myself. I had what it took but I never believed that I could emerge as a successful artist, whether that be local or global. It took me a long time to open my page “Suburbanbayou”, even when it was up I contemplated taking it down. Along with being a person who didn’t have the time to devote myself to my art, I was also one of the people who never really had true support or had someone there for me to encourage me to continue. That also can make or break an artist. It’s sad but beautiful, most artists need support because it helps with the development of their art. I never really had this; and somehow it was also great to create freely with no opinions. But it also meant me not stepping out of my boundaries and just create art that I consider “safe”. It took me years to truly allow someone in on my process and to let their opinion influence the path of my projects. But what took more time was being able to really listen to an opinion and not let it sway my path of my projects. This is very important because it’s extremely hard to do.

In September 2017, something “happened” to me that changed my life. I had my daughter Indigo. This event drastically threw my life around and nothing was the same anymore. My ambitions and drive changed. Instead of working on my art, I worked in a full time job. Instead of working on myself, I had to work on my relationship. Nothing was about me anymore, it was all dedicated to my fiancé and my daughter. There wasn’t any of me left. This killed my art and sort of myself too. I was dry, I was stagnant, frustrated and sad. I found myself wishing I was in the same creative space I had been in the past. I felt that all I had liked about myself was gone in this new stage of life. I still feel the same now. It’s funny to think that my only fear as an artists was being a starving one. But I completely forgot how personal art is and if you loose yourself, you can loose what art means to you. Art is beautiful to see but many don’t think about the sadness, pain, stress, sacrifice and compromises that go into it. To be an artist is to be broken. To create art is to be open. If you’re reading this and you can relate to it: Go pick up that pen, tablet, MacBook, paintbrush or microphone. Find whatever inspires you and run with it. Life’s not worth living it you aren’t doing or at least trying to do what makes you happy.