Whoever has ever experienced the liberating feeling of freeing themselves from a toxic relationship — and by that we do not only mean romantic relationships, but also friendships or any connection that slowly makes you lose yourself — knows how deeply relieving it can feel once you have finally made it through the valley of tears.
At first, these moments are fragile. Tiny flashes in which you suddenly feel your freedom and self-love returning, tickling like warm summer rain on your skin. And then, slowly, these moments begin to last longer. The air feels lighter again. You laugh without forcing it. Your nervous system finally unclenches. And at some point, the person who once made you feel small no longer lives in your head every day. Instead, what remains is something much softer but stronger: yourself.
Antje Schomaker’s new single “Mascara” feels like an ode to exactly this regained freedom. A beautifully light-hearted song that captures the bittersweetness of moving on without becoming overly dramatic or painfully melancholic. There is warmth inside the track, irony, relief and a certain softness that feels earned. Or as Antje herself says in our conversation:
“Writing it helped me realize how much lighter life can feel once you stop shrinking yourself for someone else.”
The single is the first release from her upcoming album “Dear Diary”, a record inspired by real diary entries from different phases of her life, including her teenage years. Across the album she reflects on freedom, emotional exhaustion, self-worth, anger and healing in a way that feels deeply personal yet incredibly relatable. Musically, “Mascara” carries an effortless glow with airy synths and a gentle playfulness that mirrors exactly that feeling of finally being able to breathe again.
The dreamy and slightly absurd video was filmed in Joshua Tree together with her friends Amelie and Julian from Raw Souls and features dancer Derek Holloway, who embodies the exhausting intensity of narcissistic love bombing in a sharply observed but almost humorous way.
In our interview, we spoke about the moment her body forced her to finally slow down after years of pushing through, how therapy, sports and yoga helped her reconnect with herself outside of productivity, and why freedom today means “feeling at home in yourself.” It is incredibly moving to hear how she looks at these experiences now after consciously stepping away from the music industry for two years.
And honestly, we could relate to so much of what she said. Especially the importance of listening to yourself before your body starts screaming for attention, setting boundaries without guilt, and understanding that healing sometimes simply means becoming a beginner again.
photography by Amélie Siegmund
Hey dear Antje,
Hope you are well, and thanks for taking the time to answer a few questions for us (smiles)
You consciously took a break from the music industry for two years – instead of performing, it was therapy, sports and yoga. Often the body has been sending signals for a long time already. What was the moment where you really realized: okay, now I have to hit the stop button? And was it hard for you to actually do it – because I think a lot of people just try to keep functioning and push through?
I think my body had been politely sending emails for years and I just kept clicking “mark as unread”. At some point I realized I was playing cool while problematic stuff happened to me and I would agree to things and then have panic attacks afterwards. That was the moment where I understood: I have to change something NOW.
And yes, it was really hard to stop. Especially in music, there’s this unspoken rule that you should always keep going, be grateful, work harder, smile harder, maybe cry quietly in the hotel after the show. I think a lot of people don’t stop because they’re scared everything disappears if they do. I was scared of that too. But honestly, disappearing a little bit helped me grow.
What did you learn about yourself during this time away? What are some thoughts, realizations or things you took with you that made you stronger or helped you deal with your anxiety in a healthier way? And when did you realize: now it’s time. I want to make music again?
I learned that I’m actually a person and not just a project. That sounds dramatic, but I really had to reconnect with myself outside of productivity. Therapy helped a lot. Sports helped. Yoga helped. But mostly: setting boundaries, communicating my needs with my team and finding a way to work again under new conditions.
At some point I noticed I was writing again without forcing it. Not because I “should”, but because I genuinely missed it. Songs started showing up naturally again. That’s when I knew I wanted to come back.
“I was scared everything disappears if I stop. But honestly, disappearing a little bit helped me grow.”
You said that now you approach your songs in a much more fearless way – like really writing about the things you actually feel or want to talk about. Has anything else changed in the way or process you create music now?
I’ve become much clearer and more direct. A bit more ironic, but definitely more honest and it’s so much more fun this way. On one of my earlier albums, I wrote a song about my father and everyone assumed it was a breakup song. On this album, I literally sing “du bist für mich kein Vater” (“you’re not a father to me”), so there’s really no room for creative interpretation anymore haha.
Your new single “Mascara” is a song about freedom, letting go and that post-breakup glow. You describe this feeling of freedom after a breakup, when you can finally be yourself again. It’s a very positive feeling, and you can hear that in the song too. But it actually came from memories of a toxic relationship you were in. Looking back now, do you feel like writing this song finally gave you a sense of complete closure?
Yes, definitely. “Mascara” feels less like heartbreak and more like finally putting something to rest. Like: okay, this happened, but now it’s hanging in the past and not chasing me anymore.
Writing it helped me realize how much lighter life can feel once you stop shrinking yourself for someone else. There’s sadness in the song, but there’s also this almost euphoric relief. Like finally opening a window in a room that smelled weird for years.
Where was the video for “Mascara” filmed and how did the idea for the storyline with the dancer come about?
The video was shot in Joshua Tree with my friends Amelie and Julian from Raw Souls, and we really wanted it to feel dreamy, hot and slightly absurd.
The dancer, the wonderful Derek Holloway, basically represents a narcissistic man doing this little mating dance for my attention. He’s trying very hard, very intensely, almost like love bombing in choreography form. For a second I get pulled into his world and start copying his movements, and he’s absolutely thriving. But then I realize: wait… this is actually terrible for me. So I leave, and he stays behind dramatically.
I also thought it was funny to reverse the usual music video dynamic. So often it’s women dancing beautifully for men, and this time I wanted to change this.
“Songs started showing up naturally again. That’s when I knew I wanted to come back.”
What does freedom mean to you in life in general?
Freedom means feeling at home in yourself. Not performing constantly. Not abandoning your own needs to be liked. Not staying in places, relationships or industries that make your nervous system feel like it’s being chased.
The song is part of your new album, Dear Diary, which will be released in 2027. It’s inspired by real diary entries, even from your teenage years, and tells stories about moments, encounters and phases of life – the kind of things you’d write into your diary. I always find it so interesting reading old things from yourself. You feel familiar to yourself, but at the same time also kind of like a stranger, right? Almost like a different life you lived. Can you share another personal story from your diary that inspired one of the other songs on the album?
Yes, that’s true, you put that beautifully.
There’s one song inspired by a diary entry I wrote as a teenager where I said: “Now I only have to lose weight and then I can become a singer.”
Reading that years later completely broke my heart. I had grown up seeing all these incredibly skinny women on TV, and I was so convinced that this was something you had to be if you wanted to succeed.
I’m really grateful that I was able to overcome these struggles with my body in my late twenties. Taking those old comments, thoughts and diary entries and turning them into a song felt strangely healing, like giving that younger version of myself a voice she didn’t have back then.
“Not staying in places, relationships or industries that make your nervous system feel like it’s being chased.”
And if you could travel back in time and find your old diary – what would you write in it to your younger self?
I’d probably write:
“You don’t have to earn love by exhausting yourself.”
And maybe:
“Please stop texting people you fancy who give you mixed signals.”
And last but not least – what do you need more in your life right now?
More hobbies where I’m allowed to be bad at things. I think healing is sometimes just becoming a beginner again. (smiles)
→ Check out Antje Schomaker’s new single “Mascara” here.
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