Life changes you, and when you return to something after years away, you rarely return as exactly the same person. Maybe not entirely different, but formed by everything that happened in between — by loss, love, uncertainty, and the things you learn about yourself. “You do learn who you are, and eventually, you learn how to find the people who want to be around the real you.”
After a six-year break from her artist project, Adjenai is returning with a new sense of clarity. Her upcoming album Did It Hurt? Was It Fun? began during a deeply personal time, with songs that were first written as a way to process grief and find some comfort. What started privately eventually became something she wanted to share. Across the album, memories, identity and change meet playful pop moments and a certain lightness that keeps the heavier parts from taking over.
The new single “Everything Bagel” captures that contrast perfectly. Playful and warm on the surface, it looks back at childhood, coming out and the small signs we often only understand years later. In our conversation, Adjenai talks about returning to music, creating with her wife Marina Paiz, false productivity, trusting her gut, and why time with the people she loves matters most.
photography by Marina Paiz
Welcome Adjenai! Let’s start at the moment you’re in — where are you right now?
Right now, I’m in LA. I just got back from a nice long walk in my neighborhood, and I’m enjoying the fact that it’s overcast today because we just had a pretty intense heat wave.
“Everything Bagel” feels incredibly playful on the surface, while underneath it holds a much more complicated story about identity and finally understanding yourself. Where did the idea for the song come from?
“Everything Bagel” started as more of a fun songwriting exercise. I had been so deep into writing about grief that this song felt like a little side quest. A few years ago, someone sent me an article about my hometown being rated the safest place to live in the US. It brought me right back to being there and feeling so othered. I’m Black, I’m Puerto Rican, and I was trying to figure out if I was queer. I had to put some distance between myself and a town where I felt like my otherness was identified in me before I could even identify it within myself. The intention was to write something fun and tongue-in-cheek, but it definitely did turn into a serious premise.
There are a few very specific childhood memories in the song, like Charlie’s Angels and everything bagels. Looking back, what do you understand about your younger self now that you didn’t understand back then?
Everything makes so much more sense when you look back. I think the biggest thing that I understand about my younger self, especially as I keep getting older, is that little me had it handled. In the moment, everything can feel so heightened, but there was still an unapologetic quality to me back then. Now I can see that I didn’t have anything to be worried about. Things do get figured out. You do learn who you are, and eventually, you learn how to find the people who want to be around the real you.
“Everything Bagel” leads us into your upcoming album Did It Hurt? Was It Fun? What can you tell us about the album and the world around it?
The album is a collage of my early 20s, and I wanted the world to feel influenced by the way memory shifts. Our memory is fallible. We change things, we stitch things together, we take things out of order. On Did It Hurt? Was It Fun? I wanted to take a collection of personal stories and ground them in reality without losing the dreaminess. We used found sounds and audio from my camera roll throughout to punctuate a sonic landscape that wasn’t clear-cut. Nothing is ever quite as linear as we think it is in our memory, so we leaned into that when we put the project together.
“You do learn who you are, and eventually, you learn how to find the people who want to be around the real you.”
You created a big part of the album together with your wife, Marina Paiz. What was it like working so closely together on something this personal?
It was such a beautiful experience! We’ve worked together before and, because of how personal so many of the songs are to me, I really needed somebody in the room that I could trust. For her to hear me say something like, “I want Everything Bagel to feel like a diner after a night out” and not look at me like I’m crazy was great too. She is an immensely talented songwriter, producer, and musician, so it’s a gift to be able to work together on my first album. That’s not to say it was always easy, but just like with personal relationships, there will always be conflict. It’s more important how you talk through the conflict. Even when it felt difficult, or like something wasn’t clicking, I still had a partner who prioritized creative expression over anything else.
I love your rule about only working with people you’d welcome into your home. As you’ve gotten older, have you become more protective of who you let into your creative space?
I definitely am protective, but I think this “rule” came about very unintentionally. I let my gut feeling guide me more than I ever have during this project. What ended up happening is that anyone who touched Did It Hurt? Was It Fun? in some way was someone I could actually talk to about the themes of this record. Creativity is at its best when there is vulnerability, and that requires space. I love meeting people where they’re at in co-writing or production sessions, but for my artist project, and with how personal these songs felt in particular, I took measures to ensure that anyone working with me felt really safe opening up to.
You once wrote about using “false productivity” as a way to procrastinate. Do you still catch yourself doing that — staying busy instead of dealing with what actually needs your attention?
Oh, absolutely. There’s no way around it for me. I love a spreadsheet. I love a punch list. When I find myself leaning on these organizational tactics, I know I’m most likely avoiding something that needs to be unpacked and examined a bit more closely. Usually, the things I’m avoiding are important to getting to the next phase. That resistance is a good clue, even if I don’t always want to listen.
“Creativity is at its best when there is vulnerability, and that requires space.”
What has been bringing you joy lately outside of music — something very ordinary, small or perhaps completely unnecessary?
Oooh! I’m getting very into loose-leaf teas lately. I don’t drink any caffeine, so I’ve always felt left out of the ritual of coffee and matcha. Now, it’s me and my herbal teas against the world!
You returned to your artist project after six years away. Who were you when you stepped away from music, and who are you coming back as now?
When I stepped away from this artist project, I truly didn’t intend to come back. At the time, I just wasn’t open to trying again. Of course, things changed over those six years, and stepping back into it now, the biggest difference is that I have a lot more security. This applies across the board, from things like housing and financial stability to the security within myself to better understand my needs. I moved to LA when I was so young. I found myself pulled in a lot of directions, in rooms that I didn’t always want to be in. Now, I feel so much more comfortable with my boundaries and goals. That’s the biggest difference between now and then. It’s what has made this artist project possible despite the fears and insecurities that come up when releasing something so personal.
I read in an older interview that you said, “At the end of the day, success is being happy and healthy — emotionally, physically, and spiritually.” If I asked you today what success means to you, would your answer still be the same?
Wow, I have no recollection of saying that. I agree with past me, but that was a broad definition, for sure. My answer now includes the ability to continue doing this work that I love to do, not just for my own project but with and for other artists. I love telling stories, and success feels like getting to do that through creative expression every day.
And finally, what matters most to you in life?
I think this is an answer that will change. I think it should change depending on where I am in life. Right now, what matters most to me is time with my people. I am very lucky to have experienced so much love in my life, and I look forward to experiencing a lot more. That’s what matters. Time with people I love, time in community, and the time to enjoy both.
