It took Natrishka almost a year to feel ready for this series with photographer Charles Blouin. Born in Durban, South Africa, she grew up during apartheid, with South Indian heritage on her father’s side and a mother of mixed heritage.
There are many parts of herself that Natrishka brings into these images — her femininity, her heritage, motherhood, and the woman she has become over the years. The series feels playful and sensual, but behind it is also a very personal story.
The idea for the shoot came during a difficult time in her life. After a breakup and miscarriage, Natrishka found herself struggling with her confidence and comparing herself to other women online. At first, she wanted to recreate the kind of images she saw there — images of women she thought were desired in a way she wasn’t.
But over the course of that year, the idea changed. It became less about how someone else might see her and more about how she wanted to see and feel herself. About trusting her own body again, and embracing her age, motherhood, softness and maturation.
In some of the images, Natrishka wears a sari, a traditional garment from the Indian subcontinent, given to her by her father. “The way I have wrapped it would be laughed at by all the aunties,” she laughs. “I have not done it properly with a sari blouse and tucked well. My father bought it for me, and I really wanted to have it in gold and green, as I imagine myself getting married in a modern sari with a green and gold vibe.”
Together with Charles, she turned those thoughts into a wonderfully warm and sensual analogue series, filled with nostalgic colours and a beautiful sense of intimacy. Enjoy!
The entire series was photographed in Nosara, Costa Rica — a place that has also become part of Natrishka’s work beyond the images. This November, she will be hosting a week-long women’s retreat there, centred around connection, movement, breathwork, surfing and stepping out of familiar patterns. You can find out more about the retreat here.
And there is more to come: Charles Blouin will also be part of our upcoming C-Heads print Vol. 40, which makes us even happier to share this beautiful series with you today.
Words by Natrishka
The Therapeutic Shoot
I was healing from a breakup and miscarriage, stalking my ex on social media.
Seeing all the women he was following and who he followed before me.
I wanted to make sense out of things, there was no communication or closure on what had happened.
My mind tried to fill all the gaps.
None of these women looked like me.
They were overtly sexual and enhanced with surgeries.
They were all younger than me and single with no kids.
They were the exact opposite of me.
And I was insecure, I felt unattractive and old.
I started to notice other men, boyfriends and husbands around me and their social media habits,
their dynamic in partnerships in real life and online.
What were their boundaries?
How did they navigate their online space?
Did their partners get bothered by it?
Did he even notice how it made her feel?
What transpired really affected my confidence and how I saw myself.
I did not want the actions of another to define how I see myself and feel about myself.
I decided I wanted to do a photo shoot replicating every photo of these women he liked on Instagram.
I wanted to be that woman, I wanted to be desired and attention given to me by him.
I wanted him to see me in the way I assumed he looked at these women.
Would that solve my problem?
I’m on the cusp of 45, a mother of a 17 year old daughter.
I am not a 25 year old maiden with the modern aesthetic of the times.
I am an 80’s baby stepping into her enchantress era.
I knew getting external validation from other men was not what I needed.
I wanted to build confidence in myself from the inside out.
The term “confidence” comes from the Latin confidentia, which means “trusting, with faith, bold.”
This trust needed to be felt within my body, it cannot be stated in my mind, I needed to feel it.
As a restorative yoga teacher and nerdy body mechanics explorer, I knew what I had to do.
It was not about the image, it was about my real time feeling in my physical body.
It was no longer about being sexy and replicating those other women.
I could but, is that me?
I reached out to my friend CHAZ, a photographer that specializes in women’s portraits.
I told him my story and how this photoshoot was a part of my therapy.
As we prepared for the shoot, it was apparent that this was a celebration of my ripeness and maturation.
I felt myself in every frame, sitting within a new space.
A space that I wished to go, being witnessed in my softening.
And feeling safe to do so.
Deep trust in me, as I am.
The day was poignant and unfolding beautifully into what you see here.
This is my Therapeutic shoot.
